staci_stallings@hotmail.com

In any given situation, we very rarely have all of the facts, or even
enough of them to get angry with someone else.  Of course that
doesn'stop most of us from getting angry anyway. However, if we can
remember the simple truth that maybe we don' know everything, it's
amazing what great things God can accomplish when life happens.


The first time God showed me this lesson was when I was teaching high
school English years ago.  There was one girl in the class who did her
level best to make my first year of teaching miserable.  Besides the
fact that she liked the other English teacher better, I really couldn't
find a rational explanation as to why she was so hateful.

However, thankfully, I was secure in my own worth enough that I
didn't let it get to me. I just kept thinking, "She must have something
really dreadful in her to be able to do that to someone else." Three
years later by a mere "God-incidence," I found out that all during
that year that young lady was living in a house with a mother whose
live-in boyfriend was sexually abusing her younger sister every night in
the bed across from hers.  Talk about being grateful I hadn't taken the
bait and added to the weight she was already carrying.

Going forward that lesson has served me well.  When people would do
things I thought were obnoxious, unkind or just plain rude, I did my best
to remember that I didn't have all the facts and that if I could see
their whole situation, it would probably make a lot more sense why they
were acting that way.

After I quit teaching to raise my family, I went back to my first
love, writing. However, when my first book was published, I soon learned
that writing the book was the easy hurdle when compared with promoting a
published book.  Strapped for time and energy to give to promoting much
less to promoting and writing more, I took a friend's advice and
started publishing "cyber-serials" through my website. Basically, a
cyber-serial is one of my novels, published two chapters at a time,
through my newsletter by email, free for anyone who's subscribed to the
newsletter.  The idea was a hit although at the time I only had about 600
subscribers.  People were writing to say how much they liked the book
(and then books when the second one started the next year).  I felt like
God had truly led me to publishing like this,  at least for now because
it solved so many problems I was having with the other way of
publishing.

Then shortly after sending out a set of chapters midway through my
second cyber-serial, I got an email back with the same subject it went out
with.  Figuring it was either an "unsubscribe" or a comment, I
opened it.  There in brilliant red on black were the two chapters I had
just sent out-line edited.  That's right. Just like your high school
English teacher used to do to your papers when it looked like she had
bled all over them! 

It took me a full minute to get over the shock.  I mean, I'm sure you
have found mistakes in books before, but have you ever actually taken
out a red pen, marked up two whole chapters, and sent it back to the
author so they could see what they were doing wrong?

I finally shook my head in disbelief and clicked off the message,
still trying to figure out what to do with it and how anyone would have the
audacity to do such a thing. After thinking about it for about three
days, I finally decided what possible good would there be in responding
or even in getting mad about it although clearly those were options. 
Someone was obviously trying to take me down a peg, either that, or I
just didn't have all the facts.

A month went by, and it was time to send out the new chapters.  About
two hours after I did, I got a new message from this same person. 
Figuring I would find another set of marked up chapters, I opened the email,
which started something like:

 "Dear Staci, I am soooooo, sooooooo sorry!  I really REALLY messed
up!  When you sent me the chapters last month, I thought they were
chapters from my critique group! I was new to the group, and although I had
never done anything like that before, I thought I needed to really do a
good job editing because I didn't want them to think I didn't know
what I was talking about.  I am so very, very sorry! Can you ever
forgive me?"

It went on thus for about a page and a half.  As I read it, I just
started laughing!  It took another 20 or so messages between the two of us
before she finally quit telling me how sorry she was and asking my
forgiveness.  It seems not only was she not comfortable with critiquing
papers, she also felt horribly guilty when she even inadvertently hurt
someone's feelings, which she was sure she had done with her critique of
my chapters. 

Funny thing though, after getting to know her and finally coming to the
point where we could both laugh about it, I then asked her if she would
really review my next cyber-serial when I got ready to publish it. It
took her awhile to realize that I was serious, but she finally agreed.

Shortly thereafter I received one of the most glowing reviews I've
ever gotten.  In fact, she called it "one of the three best books
I've ever read."  Now you might think she was saying that out of guilt.
I wondered that, too; however, based on the in-depth analysis I did by
asking her direct questions about different aspects of the book, I
don't think so.  I think she genuinely liked the book.

More than that, she started asking about how I wrote the way I did,
and I started trying to explain it. Emails flew back and forth on the
subject as we became friends.  A couple of times throughout the rest of
the year, a message from her would pop up into my inbox.  "Just
wondering when you are going to print-publish Princess. When you do, I
want a copy."  I always just laugh and tell her God's got my
priorities in a different place right now, at home with my kids. So I'm
not print-publishing anything at the moment, but it's nice to know she
liked the book that much.

I consider this woman a true friend now, but I often think how
off-track that friendship would've gone had I jumped to anger without
stopping to remember that I didn't have all the facts.  It's a lesson
I'm glad I learned early because I got a really good friend out of a
simple mistake I'm sure the Devil meant to use to tear us both down.

These things happen.  It' life.  But I' here to tell you, it
pays God-dividends to remember that in any given situation, you don't
know all the facts.

Copyright Staci Stallings, 2004